So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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