Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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