I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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