party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
