i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
