Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
