all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
