toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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