all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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