The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
