And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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