Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I did not marry a roomba.
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