STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
