It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
