pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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