im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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