At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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