Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
