she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
