You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
