dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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