Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
