I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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