new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
