omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
