My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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