found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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