I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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