It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
