I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
