i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
