Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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