Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
