I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
