i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
