nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
