she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
