i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
