i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
