dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
