Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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