It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
