I think I won the penis lottery.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
