So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize