My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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