brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
