I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
