Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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