herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
