I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
