____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
