I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
