Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
