I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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