I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
