I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize