I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
