thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
