Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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