There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
