I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Bring me that man meat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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