I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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