I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
