You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We need to rekindle our bromance
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
