I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
