so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
