We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
