I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
