So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
